my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
