At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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