made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
