In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
