just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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