I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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