did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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