Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
