shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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