You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
