Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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