I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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