Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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