When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
