I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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