next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
