shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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