Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
