so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
