she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It's shark week go big or go home
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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