if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize