we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
