Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
