i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
false alarm, still single
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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