Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
