I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
