Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I have fence marks all over my body
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize