I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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