God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
