The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
