i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize