I want to have your abortion
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
