Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
