can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
