There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
