Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Randomize
