is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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