My sheets look like a crime scene.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
soo... how was my night?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
