Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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