Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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