While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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