Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
