Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
