That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
