god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize