you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
