Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
