Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just found a bag of teeth...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
