i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
