I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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