You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
