Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
