she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
