I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
