I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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