I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize
