it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
