The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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