My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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