You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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