dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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