Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize