I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
