i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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