JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
and you fell through a lawn chair
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
