you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
