she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
