Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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