you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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