i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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