john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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