You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
where am i from again
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
